It’s early. The coffee pot is gurgling busily, with good beans inside it, and excellent coffee is soon to come. Outside, it is silent. Last night was quiet overall, as it was too cold for people to do much. It’s 1 degree on 1/1. The new year is afoot.

Last year was a mixed bag. My career finally took off in a new direction. My new responsibilities come with new toys, and a wide range of autonomy. I realize I had been bored and miserable getting to this point, and I’m glad for the change. But it has sucked out a great many hours of my days, and I’ve been wearing myself out. It a good thing, but it has taken a lot of time out of my schedule.

Members of my family are heading towards the end of their lives. I’m not alone in this position, my beloved, and several of my friends are in the same place. It’s odd, as we are all different ages, but here we are. I can’t speak for everyone, but this has made holidays and logistics difficult. I’ve been pretty down this year.

I have learned a few things. Chief among them is I can’t sit still. I’ve been having to do mostly that and it has been the worst possible thing for me.

So, I’ve been investigating. I’ll not call it making plans, since those never work out, so I’ll call it investigating. I want new stamps on my new passport. I’ve found I shoot more when I am in motion, and that I am generally happier as well. I think this all hit home at a concert last week. When Gogol Bordello launched in to “Wanderlust King” I remembered what it was to be happy for a moment, and resolved I wanted that back. So I’m taking steps.

In the mean time, I’ve got many rolls of film from wandering Colorado and a cross country drive I did some months ago to attend to. If I can find enough worthwhile shots in there, I’ll be putting a book together soon after. I’ve not done one before, so I may put together a greatest screwups list when I am done.

I still get the feeling I’m mid-slog, not starting something new. So far, I’ve been moving the way you do when you’re tired and hungry on a hike: head down, one foot in front of the other, just getting through what you have to do. I apparently still have miles to go, but I’m keeping my head up, looking around, and enjoying things more. No jaunty tune being sung yet, but that’s probably just as well. I really can’t sing.

Life has taken some strange turns getting me here. I’m not sure what’s next, but, shift the pack around and re-settle it on the shoulders, head up, and step off lively. The journey’s not done yet.


  1. January 2, 2019

    Good post. Like you, I’ve had similar thoughts about life and how to move forward. I felt like I was in that slog for too long, and am figuring out how to get out of it. How to be happy and feel like I’m making progress towards something.

    • Andrew
      January 2, 2019

      Good luck to us both!

talk to me